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Just Ahead Looking Back

August 18, 2012

Five and five
Nine and three
We walked beneath the Shawtock tree
Me just ahead
Looking back
Your smile urging me on.

Cloud and light
Field of green
We find the dairy cattle grazing
Just ahead
Looking back
Content within the dawn.

Blue cornflower
Queen Anne’s Lace
Until we reach our special place
Just ahead
Looking back
That sighs to us in greeting.

Blooms gathered from
Untended beds
A wreath of green, yellow, red
Gentle rain
From powder blue
Sees us off retreating.

From forgotten farm down narrow lane you lead me hand in hand.
You so beautiful…tiny drops of rain like silver beads in your hair.
We ran a while – the seeded heads of the meadow grass tickling my legs….

Those days now a desparate memory….. The cicadas are silent
The lane forgotten still. The farm sags grey and disconsolate…….

Five and five
Nine and three
From beyond the Shawtock tree
Just ahead
Looking back
You urge us on.

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From → Poetry

9 Comments
  1. lemwriting permalink

    I love this, but I believe you need to work on the rhythm. Read it allowed and hear how the first three lines of the first stanza are perfectly rhythmic? That’s fine, but then it’s broken after or atleast it’s not pleasing to my ear. You’ve got to keep up the rhythm the whole time or, what I suggest is, throw something into those first three lines to break up that rhythm. That way you won’t have to keep the rhythm so tidy the whole poem, because right now it’s not quite there yet. I hope that makes sense. Not enough of a poet to say it right. 🙂

    • Thanks for the comment. I wanted a rhythmic break but I failed to make it obvious so the result is discordant. I need to revisit it.

      • Not sure I agree – on my second reading I could see how the rhythm gradually slows down and then speeds up again in the last two stanzas – when the memory gets away. At least that’s my current reading. Works for me…

    • I gave it an edit to make the interruption more obvious.

  2. I appreciate the metronome and cadence here, and how you bridge between stanzas – very melodic and I dig the rhythm. And blue cornflower, queen anne’s lace and cicadas? Sounds like a day in the life of Pete. 🙂 (just things I happen to notice). Nice one, I’m impressed Noah.

  3. Thanks Pete. As I wrote this I could ‘hear’ the sound of the cicadas – it really is like nothing else the way it passes through flesh into our very core and strums again and again the strings of our soul. It is both comforting and a bit alarming when you realize you are hearing the resonance of sound produced days, weeks, months, years ago.

  4. poemsofhateandhope permalink

    The fam sags grey and disconsolate – what a great emotive line – great poem…saddening at the end and with a nostalgia that pulls at the heartstings

  5. Thanks Stuart. I do think of homes, working farms in particular, as having a certain sadness when they find themselves abandoned.

  6. I see this, I’ve felt this. Awesome.

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